Chowmein and libido

Chowmein and libido

 

 

The sight of “Chaineej corner” shanties down the road leading to my home trigger panic in me. Thanks to the enlightenment from Haryana Khap leader Jitender Chhatar. “Chowmein leads to rape,” says the learned leader.

 

This finding is second only to the invention of the zero by Aryabhata.  Even Ming’s secrets were humbled by this disclosure. It is not for nothing that we proudly claim Mera Bharat Mahaan.

 

As a die-hard fan of Chinese cuisine, I felt terribly let down by the Peter & Wangs, China Dragons, and Liu’s Kitchens of the world. I decided to plunge into some research. I swear by all the Manchurians and spring rolls I have devoured, I was aghast at my narrow escape, many times over.

 

Why, just the other day, I hosted a dinner for a client delegation. Chinese got the unanimous thumbs-up as we short-listed restaurants. While a delicious spread from the numerous provinces of China found their way to our table, I distinctly recall this gentleman, portly and well-groomed, and the leader of the delegation, order a generous portion of Chowmein.

 

A shiver goes down my spine as I think of all the things that could have happened that night.

 

“Chowmein creates hormonal imbalance,” Chhatar says.

 

No wonder then that Mr Chowmein stumbled as he rose from dinner that night! So what if he is 70 years old and could have a dysfunctional knee?

 

Aha! N.D Tewari must be one helluva Chowmein fan.

 

As I mentioned earlier, I plunged into research. I emerged with these conclusions.

 

Taken in moderate doses, Chowmein is a tastier and a more glamorous replacement for Shilajit.

China’s answer to America’s Viagra is Chowmein.  (Hush…China still doesn’t know. India knows.)

For longer libido, cut vegetables into thin long slices. For a quickie, use finely chopped veggies.

For sustained and slow pleasure, eat with chopsticks, noodle by noodle.

For a great performing c..k, toss the Chowmein in a wok.

 

A word of caution is imperative here.

Government should grant permits for the sale of Chowmein.

Only adults (18 years and above) should be allowed to indulge in the pleasures of the Chowmein. Cho mean say the minors.

 

I searched high and low for the effect of Chowmein on women. To my surprise, Google rudely said “no results found”.

 

Aha! What Google doesn’t have, we have, in the Khap leader.

 

I found myself at the doorstep of Mr Jitender Chhatar. I needed to know from the enlightened soul the effects of Chowmein on women.

 

“He is out for lunch,” replied the man who answered the door. “He’s close by, you can meet him at the restaurant,” he offered.

 

“Where?” I asked.

 

“Straight down the road at “Chaineej Corner. He is eating Chowmein,” he said.

 

I scooted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on January 9, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. thanks for the enlightenment, Lata, not to forget the laughs – at my age, chowmein then is the way to eros and amour – voila

  2. Nice.. & humorous !!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: